Why won't you listen to me?
Blessed to be a blessing - by listening

by Katie Brazelton

A defiant 6-year-old girl strikes a pose like a runway model, covers her ears, and asserts in a taunting tone: "Na-Na-Na . Na-Na-Na! I can't hear you!"

A woman hangs up on her spouse, slamming the phone down after saying: "You are really selfish! You make me so mad. I refuse to listen to you anymore!"

In a restaurant, a colleague attempts a serious conversation, only to realize that his friend is distracted by the CNN news anchor, who is broadcasting on a nearby television.

It's infuriating to have something to say while no one is listening. Each of us wants to be heard. We crave relational interaction - someone to listen unconditionally to us, without anger, criticism, or distraction. We want someone who won't minimize our plight or offer a "quick fix." In the classic, The Listener, Taylor Caldwell laments the lost art of listening:

"One of the most terrible aspects of the world today is that nobody listens to anyone else . If you are bewildered, or frightened, or lost, or bereaved, or alone, or lonely - nobody really listens ... Nobody has time to listen to anyone, not even those who love you and would die for you. Your parents, your children, your friends: They have no time. That's a very terrible thing ..."

 

The culprit might just be that our fast-paced society bombards us with talking heads, ring tones, and constant music. So we have grown numb to much of the incoming barrage of chatter and noise. There is a lot of talking going on in our busy world, but is anybody really listening or responding well? Maybe not so much, huh?

And yet we don't need any more scientific proof that active listening empowers people to express their innermost thoughts and feelings; that it actually validates a person's self-worth. We've known for years that empathetic listening builds trust and confidence in a relationship; that being heard gives the speaker a sense of connectedness to the listener; that open communication is the bedrock of all human ties. It's a well-known fact that regardless of the outcome of any given situation, the speaker is often satisfied if somebody took the time to listen. You've probably seen at least one potentially hot-tempered encounter diffused by a kind nod and listening spirit. Just think back to the last time you got ready to explode into somebody's ear in a telephone conversation, when all of a sudden you felt disarmed by the other person's agreeable and receptive attitude. So, why don't we listen more often?

In fact, why do we allow our limited listening skills to impede even our ability to minister? We are already convinced that there are few greater skills to be utilized in our homes, communities, schools, and churches than the ability to have an edifying interaction filled with grace and love. After all, by listening, we get to peek into someone's heart. So, if our churches are charged with equipping effective servant leaders, why don't we "religiously" teach our members the art of listening, so they can know and understand the heart and needs of those to whom they are ministering?

Jesus told his disciples, "Therefore, consider carefully how you listen." (Luke 8:18a niv) With that in mind, the following five key principles can help you S.H.A.R.E. yourself through the gift of listening:

Single-minded focus - Give people your undivided attention. Set aside your agenda and focus on them. Make eye contact and turn off your cell phone. Use positive body language and nonverbal cues to re-enforce the fact that you are paying attention. Let this interaction be about the other person, not you. Pray as you listen. Ask God to give you wisdom and discernment to process the speaker's spoken and unspoken thoughts and concerns. "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak ." (James 1:19a niv)

Heartfelt care - Listen to others with your heart. Put yourself in their shoes. Empathize with their feelings and emotions. Do not be afraid to laugh, cry, rejoice, and be still with them. Show them you care.

Affirming attitude - Validate the person by being an effective sounding board. Dr. Joyce Brothers has said, "Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery." (Moncur, M., 2005) Without interrupting, ask open-ended questions to clarify your understanding. Say: "So, what I hear you saying is .?" or "If you want that outcome, then what is your next step?" or "How can I assist you in achieving your goals?" Asking open-ended questions clarifies your understanding of the message being spoken and affirms the speaker.

Respectful demeanor - Convey your unconditional love for them. Never be condescending, even when they fall short of your personal expectations. Listen with an attitude of appreciation for one of God's children. To do so is not condoning bad behavior or lending agreement to how they handled a situation; it is a matter of respecting them as a human being.

Encouraging words - "Encourage one another daily." (Hebrews 3:13 niv) Allow those with whom and to whom you minister to verbally process, brainstorm, and think through their situation without your interjection of a criticism or solution. Your encouragement will help them arrive at their own resolution with possibly the added benefit of some inner peace.

As you S.H.A.R.E. yourself through the gift of listening to others, remember that someone even greater wants you to listen to him as well. Only by listening to your Creator and all-knowing Counselor are you empowered to serve as an effective leader: Christian servant  leaders realize that it is only through daily quiet time, meditation, worship, and prayer that God speaks to their heart. He desires that you listen to him about his plans for your life - both what he wants you to do and who he wants you to become.

Listening is a powerful way to share yourself with others and to honor God. Accept this challenge to enhance your listening skills today. (Find somebody to practice on before you lay your head on your pillow tonight!) With the help of the Holy Spirit, you will be blessed and a blessing to those you serve through listening.

Passing the Torch
Six torches

By John Townsend

One of the most important and fulfilling tasks of any adult is passing the torch to the next generation. We all have a responsibility to resource, equip, teach, and provide for those who are coming after us, and who are preparing to take our place. And they're coming! We are expected to do all we can to help ensure their survival, security, growth, and ultimately their own mission of advancing the Kingdom of God in their own way.

This is God's design, the way he has continued his work, his mission, and his people for many, many years. This is for our good and the good of the next generation. That is why the Bible teaches that when our children ask us why we follow the principles and values that we do, we are to explain to them that "... the LORD our God commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear him so he can continue to bless us and preserve our lives, as he has done to this day." (Deuteronomy 6:24 NLT) It is a blessing, and is all for our betterment.

What, then, should we be careful to pass on to the next generation? There are six essential aspects of life:

Eternal values. We need to teach and model the realities of what is truly important in life. Our values are the architecture of what holds everything together. They are the timeless and eternal truths that are the foundation of all right living. If we are to pass on our values, we need to be clear about them with younger people. For example, we need to teach and model the reality of God and his grace, the salvation that comes through Jesus, the truth of the Word of God, the importance of a life surrendered to God, being loving in our relationships, being an honest person, living holy lives, and living in community. These are a few of the values that have existed since time began.

The spiritual nature of life. This next generation needs to know that all of reality and all of life is spiritual at the core. This is God's universe, whether we are dealing with marriage, dating, finances, careers, or our mission in life. We need to help those in line after us see that God has principles, answers, solutions, and guidance for every single area of life, so they will look to him and trust his ways.

The necessity of deep and abiding relationships. One of the best things we can bequeath to the next generation is how helpful, how rich, and how essential it is to have abiding and vulnerable personal relationships with one another. They need connections that transcend friendships and ones that go deep within to give each other safety, grace, acceptance, comfort, and truth - relationships in which we provoke each other to love and good works. (Hebrews 10:24) I personally dream that this next generation would assume small groups are the norm for life, so they would naturally seek them out as a way to find the spiritual families they need to make it in life. What a great launching they would have!

The reality of mistakes, and the solution. One thing we don't need to pass on is our generation's perfectionism! Let's help the next group accept the truth about faults, weaknesses, and failures and not hide in shame, self-judgment, and condemnation. Instead, let's educate them on the power of the Cross and the way it is expressed in the Body. Teach them about confession, forgiveness, grief, restoration, healing, and moving on. This will help them deal with the baggage they will carry and learn to grow as imperfect people who have a living message of hope for a world that is lost.

Our belief in them. This next generation, as all generations, needs our blessing. They need to know we aren't holding on to power, territory, or authority. They need to know we believe in them and their potential to take God's love to the world. Support them, take initiative to help, mentor them, and guide them. Help them to not have to reinvent the wheel and to know that we are on their side.

No guarantees. Having said all this, there are no guarantees for any generation, and there is always risk involved when the torch is passed. So we also need to remember the warnings of history. We have seen what happens when this process goes awry: "After that generation died, another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the LORD or remember the mighty things he had done for Israel." (Judges 2:10) So be positive, but be sober-minded also. We have a responsibility to make sure they have what they need; they have a responsibility to respond. This mutual humility and love gives the world the greatest chance for the Church to continue and increase its impact.

The ABCs of Helping Kids Succeed
ABCs for adults

by Rick Warren

On a trip to South Africa, I visited a school of around 1,500 students. When I arrived, I found the students sitting on the ground - with no building, no water, no toilets, and not even any books. And because the school meets outside, they didn't meet at all when it was raining or cold. These children and millions of others like them are struggling against the global giant of poor education.

Hosea 4:6 says, "My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge." (NIV) Did you know that more than half of the world still can't read? What kind of opportunities will these people have in life when they haven't even had books to help educate them? How will their countries develop and be strong economically when children aren't being taught the fundamentals of reading, writing, math, and science that many of us take for granted?

Even in countries like my own, where the lack of education isn't as obvious as it was in South Africa, many children don't receive adequate education. They may grow up in neighborhoods with sub-standard schools or in families where no one teaches them the importance of strong character.

We must help these children and fight this global giant by educating the next generation - which is the fifth and final component of <<P.E.A.C.E.>> http://www.thepeaceplan.com/.

If you're a teacher or a parent, then educating the next generation likely is important to you already. But no matter who you are, as adults we all are responsible for helping to educate those who are younger than us.

Think about the young people in your life. Is there one child in particular you'd like to see succeed? If you're a mother, you probably see the face of your own child. You may have a niece or a nephew, or a child in your neighborhood may come to mind. Or you may think of a child in a country overseas where you'd like to visit and spend time educating children. Are you picturing that child's face?

Now picture this: You can help that child succeed. It's not only teachers and parents who educate the next generation. Any caring adult can do things to make it much more likely that a child will be successful. They are the ABCs for adults - five areas you can address to help the kids you care about succeed.

Acquire knowledge. The first way you can help kids succeed is by helping them learn. The Bible says wise people get all the knowledge they can. The easiest way to learn is if you love learning. And the kids around you are more likely to love learning if they see that you love to learn too. Are you one of those adults who boast you haven't read a book since high school? It's time to change! Find something you're interested in, and let kids around you see your excitement about learning.

You can share the knowledge you already have, too. Are you a good manager? Share your success secrets with a neighborhood girl. Are you a great cook? Your appreciation of food could encourage your son to be a chef - or just a very competent dad!

Broaden perspective. When I was growing up, my parents gave me an incredible gift - a perspective wider than my own hometown. As I went to the breakfast table every morning, I never knew who I would find because my parents had guests in our home almost every night. Those guests were farmers, preachers, leaders, and missionaries. Some were famous; some were not so famous. But all of them were fascinating. The Bible says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." (Proverbs 13:20 NIV) Like my parents, you can help put a child on the right path by introducing her to wise people with a broader perspective than she has.

And remember that the broadest perspective is God's. He knows all the past and each detail of the future - so he doesn't look at life the same way we do. God says the way to greatness is to serve; the way to get is to give; the way to get over hurt is to forgive. Introducing kids to the Bible - by reading and talking about it with them - will help them have God's perspective.

Cultivate convictions. Have you ever thought about what our culture places value on? I think our culture basically values four things - pleasure (I want to feel good!), possessions (I want to make a lot of money!), prestige (I want other people to envy me!), and power (I want to be in control!).

If you're like me, you know the kids you care about can do better than that! Help them cultivate real convictions - things worth dying for. The best way to do that is by passionately talking about and modeling your own convictions. For example, if you're a teacher who is concerned about the environment, don't just lecture students about it; use recycled materials in your classroom. If you want your nephew to follow God, tell him about your own love for God and model that through a devoted lifestyle.

Develop skills. When one of my sons was young, he played on a tee-ball team with just one girl. At each game, her father was on the field saying, "We're not going to let any balls pass; you're going to catch every ball." It was obvious that she didn't want to be there; her dad was fulfilling his own dreams through his little girl. You can avoid that mistake. Instead of assuming kids will enjoy what you liked when you were young, help them discover the unique ways God has designed them. Once you've discovered that design together, help them practice and develop those gifts. And, finally, trust them with responsibility as you let them go out on their own to develop their gifts.

Establish character. Do mushrooms seem to appear overnight in your yard? That's because they do! A mushroom takes very little time to grow - but you can destroy it with just a nudge of your toe. An oak tree, on the other hand, takes decades to reach its potential, but once it's grown tall, it's very difficult to chop it down. It's the same with character. If you want the kids you care about to grow strong character, you need to make a long-term investment in them.

You can begin by protecting their minds. Proverbs says, "A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash." (Proverbs 15:14 NLT) Help children be innocent of evil things so they can become mature in good things. I hear some people say, "I just want my kids to be exposed to everything." What about rabies? Would you want to expose your children to that? Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out. At the same time you protect children from evil, though, you shouldn't shield them from difficulty. It's during tough times and even failure that kids - and adults - grow and learn.

Now picture again the face of that child you want to succeed. What can you do this week to start addressing these five areas in that child's life? It won't be easy, and it won't be quick. But it will be worth it. So much of what we do isn't going to matter even five minutes from now - much less five years from now. But you can know that when you invest in the life of a child, that investment is going to last forever.

The Most Important Thing You Can Teach
One thing above all

by Rick Warren

As we educate the next generation, we need to answer one very important question: What's the most important thing they need to know?

The Bible says in Proverbs that if you don't know God, you've missed the most important thing in life. So there's the answer to our question; the most important thing we can teach someone is to know God.

Knowledge of other things is important. In fact, God wants you to know as much as you can about many things. The Bible says intelligent people look for new ideas. But first and foremost, he wants us to know him. If we don't know him, all the other knowledge in the world is empty and meaningless.

So if you want to help young people succeed, the greatest thing you can do is help them understand how to know God. If you're not sure how to do that, watch the short video "What does it mean to follow Christ?"http://videos.purposedriven.com:8080/Exp_Salvation_low.wmv  In it, I explain how a person can get to know God. The video can give you ideas of how to explain the same thing to young people in your life.

How a Young Person Can Teach Us to Dream
Pack your bags!

by Katie Brazelton

Mikey was a 4-year-old with a dream. Every day, when his preschool teacher (my friend) announced that it was free time, Mikey made a beeline for the home goods area of the classroom. He would grab a battered suitcase and fill it with carefully chosen necessities: a plate, fork, spoon, cup, food, and an old shirt. Then Mikey would struggle to latch the case closed, before setting off on his trip around the room. Every day his teacher would ask, "Where are you headed, Mikey?"

Every day she heard the same answer: "I'm going on bacation." He had never been on a vacation and the teacher knew his single mom couldn't afford to take him on one. But Mikey did not know this. He had a dream that one day he would actually get to go on a "bacation"! Mikey didn't realize it, but every single day he was envisioning his dream.

God has given each of us a dream, a glorious purpose to fulfill while we are on this earth. Too often, as we grow older, we lose sight of that dream. The cares and worries of life often blur the vision of hope God has planted in our hearts. We focus on what we do not have, instead of God's promise to provide all we need to obey him. We must refocus on God, on his power and love for us. As we seek to trust him and realize our purpose-filled dream, there are four lessons we can learn from Mikey:

Discover your dream

Mikey was only 4 years old, but he already had a clear dream of a fun and wonderful travel adventure. He wanted to experience what he had only heard about from others and seen on television. By the way, did you know that God brings people and happenings into our lives to enable us to discover our dream, the purpose we are to fulfill? Sometimes those events occur in valleys we wish we did not have to walk through. Sometimes we learn about our godly dream through relationships with difficult people. We also learn from mountaintop events and loving relationships that bring joy and laughter into our lives. God permits things to happen in our lives that will push us toward the goal he has for us. Spend time discovering your God-given dream through prayer, reading his precious Word, and fellowshipping with other believers.

Prepare yourself for your dream

Mikey did not just think about going on a vacation, he prepared for it and repeatedly made trial runs. In the creative way of a youngster, he rehearsed for it by packing his suitcase and setting off on his journey. Even though he never left the classroom, his imagination took him to wonderful and fun locations. In the same way, we can prepare ourselves for the dream God has placed in our heart. Once you discover your dream, picture yourself living it. Find out the steps you need to take on your pathway toward an exhilarating purpose in life. Ask God to open doors of opportunity that will move you closer to his dream for you. Be willing to risk, to take each step as he lights the way.

Share your dream with others

Every day, Mikey unabashedly announced his intentions to anyone who would listen. Because of his openness, other teachers, classmates, and parents began hoping his dream would come true. Even today, more than 16 years later, his teacher still thinks about Mikey and just knows he has lived his dream of a vacation at least once in his lifetime. (We've got to believe he did - with all the passion he had toward it!) When we share our dream with others, we allow them to become encouragers for our journey. In addition, we give them an opportunity to share their resources with us. People are hungry to follow and support someone with vision! Always remember that.

Never give up on your dream

Mikey's relentless determination kept his dream alive. His routine was always the same. The smile on his face and the joy in his voice never wavered. God enables us to persevere, no matter what obstacles or setbacks we face, as we pursue the dream he gives us. As we keep our eyes on him and place our hope in his promises, we grow closer to him - and closer to the fulfillment of our dream, our purpose.

God knows the perfect timing for the fulfillment of his plan for each of his children. He works behind the scenes, even when we do not know what we should do next. We can certainly find God's promise and plan for his people in Jeremiah:

"This is God's Word on the subject: 'As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.'" (Jeremiah 29:10-11MSG)

We need to invite the vision God wants to give us, and then pack our bags with the supplies he provides. We must set out on our journey, enlisting others who inspire us. We must walk persistently and confidently toward completing the dream God gives us. We need to learn from children like Mikey and pack a suitcase for the adventure of a lifetime!

Your Sacred Commission
How to receive direction from God

by Katie Brazelton

The future is often a big gray area of unknowns, holding a host of things we cannot foresee. Thankfully, we have a God who knows the future, who has carefully planned all things. It's our job to trust that God has everything under control and to seek His direction. Each of us needs to ask, "God, what's the next step in your purpose for my life?" and eagerly anticipate his answer, because his vision for what's next in our life is better than any of the visions we have for ourselves.

When you seek direction, God may not speak to you in an audible voice, but He will communicate His message. That's the incredible news the prophet Amos proclaims when he says that God "reveals His thoughts" (Amos 4:13). That's what Daniel was explaining to King Nebuchadnezzar when he said that there is a God in heaven who reveals secrets (Daniel 2:28). Our God, the God of Amos and Daniel, wants you to trust Him to reveal His thoughts about your purpose. He not only has a vision for you, but when the timing is perfect, He will reveal it. Just as he was clear with prophets like Samuel and Isaiah when he chose them to carry his messages, he will be clear with you.

So what kind of vision can we expect from God? Vision is an awareness of how God wants to use you in a bold way to accomplish his purposes. It is catching a glimpse of his multidimensional life strategy for you-the type of person he wants you to become and what he wants you to do for him.

God's primary vision for your life is already clearly revealed in the Bible. Basically we are to love God, love our neighbor, and go and make disciples. This broadly cast vision is our anchor point for living a purposeful life. But God's vision does not end there. He also reveals to each of us his individual, specific assignment in relationship to that broader vision.

God's unique vision for you can be described as a desire that steals your heart-either immediately or eventually-and shouts to you, "This is your sacred commission, far beyond your everyday purposes in life." It is the exclusive, heart-engaging work God prearranged for you before you were born. It is how you and you alone, will minister with excellence in the eyes of the Lord.

Sometimes God will give us sneak previews or a series of impressions about His vision for us, unfolding His plan piece by piece. Other times He'll interrupt our lives and lay it all before us. In any case, Jesus Christ wants to manifest Himself in your life and He wants to make it obvious who He is and what He would like to see happen in you.

So how can you prepare yourself in the meantime to listen for God's thoughts and receive His vision for your life?

Pray. The best thing to do while you anticipate God's revelation of a vision for your life is to pray. Pray that you will hear God and be made pliable in his hands, and pray too for God's perfect timing, that he will ready the hearts of the people he is sending you to serve.

Ask Others to Pray. Surround yourself with loving, supportive people who will pray with you regarding God's vision for your life. Ask them to pray specifically that you will be receptive to God's best for you.

Be Confident. Confidence means "with faith." For this step, you need faith that will move mountains, faith that will unleash the power of God. You must believe that God will cast the vision he has always had for you!

Practice Patience. Practice waiting graciously in all of your daily activities, including standing in line at the bank or grocery store. Practice patience by engaging in activities that require it, perhaps planting a garden or fishing. In addition, take time to sing, play, and relax so you can learn to slow down and enjoy the journey.

Ask God Specifically to Speak to You. If you think you want God to speak to you, you may want to ask yourself two very important questions: Do I really want and expect God to speak to me? And Am I really listening? If your answer is yes to both questions, you are ready to echo the prayer of Samuel: "Speak, for your servant is listening" (1 Samuel 3:10).

God is not looking for "superstars" to whom he can reveal a vision. He is looking for people in whom he can inspire a loving method of living and sharing the gospel. He is looking for dedicated, ordinary people who hold such a firm conviction about their unique purpose that they will doggedly persevere under trial.

Amos 4:13 says, "He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man...the Lord God Almighty is his name." Do you hear the promise in that verse? Eagerly anticipate the vision that God will reveal to you.

Adapted from the new bestselling book, Pathway to Purpose for Women, Chapter 11: Anticipate God's Vision, by Katie Brazelton, Ph.D., MATS.

De-mystifying Spiritual Growth
What Spiritual Growth Is and Is Not

by Rick Warren

Mention the term "spirituality" today and many people will conjure up images of wearing white robes, sitting in a yoga lotus position, burning incense, and chanting "ommmmm" with their eyes closed.

Others think of Christian mystics and monks as those who cloister themselves away from the real world and subject themselves to the rigors of poverty, chastity, and solitude.

Unfortunately, many Christians feel that spiritual maturity is so far out of their reach, they don't even try to attain it. They have this mystical, idealized image of what a mature Christian looks like.

Maturity - they believe - is only for super-saints. Some Christian biographies are partly responsible for this myth. They gloss over the humanity of godly people and imply that if you don't pray 10 hours a day, move to a jungle, and plan to die as a martyr you may as well forget aspiring to maturity. This is quite discouraging to the average believer who often feels like a second-class Christian.

Yet growth is practical
The truth is that spiritual growth is very practical and gradual. Any believer can grow to maturity if he or she will develop the habits necessary for spiritual growth. We need to take the mystery out of spiritual growth by breaking the components down into practical, everyday terms.

Paul often compared training for the Christian life to the way athletes prepare themselves and stay in shape. I love the Phillips paraphrase of 1 Timothy 4:7 - which says, "Take the time and the trouble to keep yourself spiritually fit."The path to spiritual fitness is as practical as the way you become physically fit. It involves personal discipline.

Anyone can become physically fit if he or she will regularly do certain exercises and practice good health habits. Likewise, spiritual fitness is no mystery.It is simply a matter of learning certain spiritual exercises and being disciplined to do them until they become habits. Character is shaped by the habits we develop. Though these habits will include time spent with God, prayer, Bible reading and obedience to what He reveals to you, there is no particular formula for when you do these things and how much time you spend.

There is no magic bullet
We must always remember that there is no one single habit that will be the magic bullet to instant spiritual maturity. This is a popular misconception. It is obvious that many Christians at least hope maturity will happen instantly if they can just find the right key.

Look at the titles of some best-selling Christian books. Books that promise "Four Easy Steps to Maturity" or "The Key to Instant Sainthood" reinforce the myth that Christian character can be acquired overnight.

Many sincere Christians spend their entire lives earnestly searching for an experience, a conference, a revival, a book, a tape, or a single truth that will instantly transform them into a mature believer. Their search is futile. Although we have instant coffee, instant potatoes, and now even instant weight loss through liposuction, there is no such thing as instant spiritual maturity.

The truth is, spiritual growth is a gradual process of development. There are no shortcuts to maturity. It takes time. Ephesians 4:13 says, "... we arrive at real maturity - that measure of development which is meant by 'the fullness of Christ.'" (Phillips)

Notice that maturity is a destination we arrive at. That implies a journey. We always want to speed up the process but it can't be done. It's a journey that will last a lifetime.

Although God could instantly and miraculously change us into mature believers, he has chosen to develop us slowly and teach us one lesson at a time.Just as he allowed Joshua and the Israelites to possess the land "little by little" (Deut. 7:22), God uses a gradual process of change to develop us into the image of Christ.

Not to say there aren't tools that will help along the way, but different things work for different people. The important thing to remember besides its gradual process is that spiritual growth is a relationship. You cannot grow spiritually without growing closer to Christ. These are not rote disciplines we put ourselves through but a relationship we remain faithful to, and God has promised to lead us along the way as we stay faithful to Him. He will be with us to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20).

In this issue, we will find out how patience is connected to growth, how listening is a part of any growing relationship, how sin can stunt your growth and what to do about it, and what it means to grow deeper in your knowledge of God.

Living in a Fallen World
First steps in a Walk of Faith

Henry Cloud 

Every member in any group experiences the common problem of living in a fallen world. As fallen people, we love and deal with other fallen people. Because Adam and Eve passed on to us the art of going our own way, we all encounter fallen spiritual, relational, psychological, emotional, and functional dynamics.

These dynamics started in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve had a good relationship, were healthy and loved their work - until something happened. They tried to take God's place. As a result, life as it was created to be lived became unavailable. In their attempt to become godlike they lost their ability to be fully human.

Disconnection from the Source of life. God had provided all they needed for life - materially, relationally, spiritually, and in every other way. When they decided to play His role, humankind fell into trying to provide for itself independent of God. We went down the path of trying to be self-made.

Dual loss of relationship. Adam and Eve lost their relationship with God, and they became alienated from each other. Their intimacy with him and one another was replaced by fear, hiding, mistrust, and other things that any small group will know too well.

Shame. Adam and Eve felt ashamed, judged and condemned. To cope with guilt, they began to perform and worse, to hide who they really were. They covered their vulnerability with fig leaves, just as we become false to look better to ourselves.

Disobedience. Humankind lost God's authority and no longer naturally obeyed Him. We become our own bosses, going our own way, and disobeying His ways, to our loss. It is a Home Alone scenario with an outcome of disastrous pain and injury.

Lost knowledge of God's ways. God designed life to work in very specific ways. He has told us how to relate to one another, set and reach worthwhile goals, and get through difficulties. But we try to figure it out for ourselves without consulting the designer or the manual.

Lost control. God was originally in control of everything except us. He left us to free control of ourselves but intended that we yield the rest of the universe to his control. We were to trust and to yield. When we fell, we reversed course. We lost control of ourselves (self-control) and began trying to play God and controlling everything else around us, especially other people. So we no longer feel in control of our own lives and try to control everyone and everything around us.

A Small Group's Ministry of Reconciliation

This is where the small group comes in. Instead of giving empty religious answers to these problems, we have another calling. God has not called us to be moral police who set people straight. He has called us to help restore life unto Himself in the way it was created to be. The Bible's word for this is reconciliation. God's purpose is to reconcile things back to Himself and to use us in that process. As Paul says:

"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us." (2 Corinthians 5:18-20).

No matter whether your group's purpose is support, Bible study, or recovery, the transcendent goal is the ministry of reconciliation. We are bringing people back to God and the life He created for us to live.

Think of this. We are helping ourselves and others to:

Reconnect to the Source of life and see that God is the source of whatever we are trying to accomplish in life and in the group.

Reconnect through real relationship to God and through experiencing connections with others within the group. This will come through

Experience total grace, acceptance and forgiveness in the group, and the absence of shame, guilt and condemnation.

Learn and experience the value of obedience to God as the authority of life.

Learn God's ways and how to apply them to life situations.

Give control to God for the rest of life, but take control and responsibility for ourselves.

• Experiencing total grace, acceptance and forgiveness in the group - and the absence of shame, guilt, judgment, and condemnation.
• Learning and experiencing the value of obedience to God as the authority of life.
• Learning God's ways and how to apply them to life situations

Celebrate this: Any small group can achieve these six universal aspects of reconciliation while pursuing the group's specific goals. In doing so, it will reverse the effects of the Fall and bring about lasting change as its members implement the foundations of the gospel into everyday experience. Sounds like a big task, but remember, you've all got Christ's help to accomplish His will.